Indivisible Me.

I'm finally looking through my wishing glass at a brighter light, just ahead, only a few feet from my reach. I will conquer all downfalls; quite frankly, i abhor them & I will not let them consume me... I am, without a doubt, INDIVISIBLE..

sighs.

So tomorrow, I'm going back to my mother's spacious yet scary apartment to get all my stuff out, unnoticed. The quicker, the better! I have most of my stuff already packed so I hope it's not too much of a hassle to get the things out. I'm moving into the Populus family's apartment. Believe it or not, out of every family reunion I've had, this feels more like home & a family altogether than I've had in years... I'm thinking my whole very existence. This shoudl be fun. Let's just hope I don't run into my mother :/

decode.

"The truth is hiding in your eyes.

And it's hanging on your tongue;

Just boiling in my blood.

But you think that I can't see 

 What kind of man that you are

If you're at all

Well, I will figure this one out

On my own."

Tears & Rain

Let me cry.

Let it rain but let me cry.

Let the thunder claps drown my sobs.

Let my voice perish with the sound of the splashes.

Just let me cry.

Let it rain and let me cry.

Let the rain become one with my tears.

Let everything around me blur.

Let the raindrops slip down my cheeks along with my tears.

And let my tears burn the ground like acid on the way down.

But more than anything,

Let my thoughts scurry away along with the agonizing
Pain my tears bring to me.

ink&needles

I already have a tattoo but i'm due to get my next one on April 10th !! :) i can't wait; i'm so fcking excited.

* Pictures will be posted on this same post after i get it**

books.

From now on, i am going to list all of the books i read [i have read a lot; but i am going to start this now]

To Kill A Mocking Bird - Harper Lee
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Walking Across Egypt - [?]

* This post will keep increasing as time goes by*

ugh

So, I couldn't donate blood when I was supposed to. The thing is that it was too ealy fr me to donate; that's what the lady told me. So I'm waiting for it to be April for me to donate. But I have to do it before I get my next tattoo.

[sigh] I am a girlfriend nomore. -- I'm more focused in school now.

I'm starting an internship @ school starting, TOMORROW! yey!

Ugh at least I have something to do to take things off my mind.

R**** is such an a$%[the percent sign looks as if it were saying "69" [lol]

today's good deed.

I'm donating blood today in school!

This is my third time.

I have more than enough blood to give :]

so nasty.

My baby, Prince, is so wild.

Last week my friend, Kris, came over.

My little terrier dog[my son] is a very very "happy" dog.

He's happy all the time {especially when he's meeting new people}

Well, when Kris was at my house, he decided he wanted to get it popping & he did

...

...

[his tongue was sticking out; he was exhausted]

he is so fcking hilarious :]

{mommy loves you}

...

This was going to be my prom dress

[back in August of '09]

Ewww, I look back and it's definitely NOT  me.

Not me at all!

THIS...

is my prom dress!

I love it!

It's elegant, has vibrant colors, & classy!

This is oh so ME!

[just delete her face & paste mine. I don't like flowy hair with that dress, so my hair is going up in a beautiful bun]

words of wisdom.

When a man hands you lemons, he is not a real man.
Real men care about the women in their lives.
If a man hurts you, he is trying to burden you with his psychological garbage.
He is intentionally putting you down to lift his spirits or cover up a lie.

-Mary B. Morrison

mid-night snack.

I got home at about 10p.m. last night. I took a nice, long, hot shower and put on my pj's. As I was in my room, I felt weird. Like something was looking at me [this is what I mean when I say that I get spooked out in my own house]. I ran down stairs, cut a decent sized slice of cake & took my strawberry/kiwi flavored Arizona out of the fridge & ran back up the stairs. i popped in Wanted in my dvd player, turned on my fan, fluffed my pillows & ate my mid-night snack! [yummy] in no time soon, I fell asleep.. Like a baby.

hayyaaa.

I took a nap last night from 6p.m. to like, 10p.m. I woke up to nobody being home. I hate being home alone [I get scared .. I don't know why .. it's a feeling i get] so I went to my "grandfather's" house. There I watched the most amazing movie ever, after Avatar. It's called "Ninja Assassin." It has lots of action & it's very graphic i.e: guts, brain guts, decapitation, etc. I absolutely loved it.

Watch the trailer for yourself!

hmm ;]

I'm still at my boyfriend's house after going to a party last night. I drunk two cups of cold hpnotiq, went upstairs with my bae, & got it popping :]

do this! do that!

I'm so unlucky. I always getting sick. I was sick last weekend throughout -- all the way to Wednesday. I stayed home from school on Wednesday & my mom had me doing everything; laundry, cleaning the house; EVERYTHING! Her motto is "if you don't want to go to school, stay! but you have to clean the whole house." i did everything i could think of at home; clean the closet with all the quilts, sheets, etc.; clean the bathroom; rearrange my room; scrub the stairs; then mop the whole house with bleach & then with mistolin. Ughh I felt like a sick cinderella; but i'm darker! [lol] 

[cough cough]

I finally visited my best friend, Kristal, after weeks of not seeing her. [I saw her the day before last]. She went to cut & blow dry her hair at my mom's salon while I was doing laundry. After that, my mom dropped me off at the apartment she shares with her boyfriend[husband] & his cousin. We did the usual; talk nonsense & have fun; reminisced back when we met & went to school together.

If there's something Kris & I share in common...

it's the love for the natural-est plant on earth [it's good for your heart but it makes you cough {if you don't know how to inhale it!}]

:]

[picture above is 'sour' -if you don't know your stuff]

aoowww.

 

I went to the cinema here in Elizabeth, NJ, with my father & sister to see Wolfman today. In our personal opinion, that sh*t sucked! & I advise everyone [& I do mean EVERYONE] to not waste your money. If you really want to see it, burn it or something! 

You know when you buy a large bag of popcorn in the cine? & you eat it throughout the movie when it's good without even realizing it? That movie was so wack thet although there were 3 of us, the popcorn was half-way by the time the movie was over .. that makes me :[

-- 

 The previews were way better! Some of the movies I'm hoping to go see are: Prince of Persia ..; The Bounty Hunter; Iron Man 2; Repomen & Green Zone.

We should've gone to see The Book of Eli. But other than that, I ♥ed spending time with my daddy & my sister. 

[We snuck food into the theater & daddy snuck in some whiskey] 

[lmfao] 

*my sister & I did not drink*

poems.

I made a new buddy, Mario. He used to go to my school. [He now attends college // URI in fact]. Well yeah, both Mario & I love poems. 2 days ago, he shared 3 with me:

It was a miracle . 

I seen her yesterday . 

As beautiful as can be , like the flowers that grow in may . 

Kinda akward when i felt her presence near . 

Made my heart jump . 

Made my eyes queer . 

Soft complexion, tan blouse . 

Curly hair `&+ beautiful lips that shape her mouth . 

In my reach she was there to grasp . 

But i cudn;t go further because to her i am her past . 

`&+ as much as i wanted to make this last . 

I still love her `&+ when i`m w| out her it makes me sad .
';*One day you'll come to me and ask me what's more important: 'me or your life?' 

I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you ARE my life!!

surounded by 4 white walls .

ipod bumpin, pictures on the walls jumpin .

heart pumpin, blood rushin .

feet runnin to where eva dey take me .

like glow sticks she breaks easily .
like nacho's her smiles cheesy .
Like ripleys,believe me;i`m here to stay .

sincerely urs .

foreva n a day .

I've been high I've been low . 

I've been fast I've been slow . 

I've had nowhere to go . 

Missed the bus missed the show . 

I've been down on my luck . 

I've felt like giving up .

My life locked in a trunk . 

When it hurt way too much . 

I needed a reason to live . 

Some love inside me to give . 

I couldn't rest; I had to keep on searching . 

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat . 

Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings . 

I've been hurt by my past . 

But I feel the future in my dreams and it lasts . 

I wake up I'm not sure I wanted to find the light . 

Something just didn't feel right . 

I needed an answer to end all my searching .

I look in the mirror &+ I c me . 

Juss a figure . 

No partner..

Left alone to fend but i get smarter. 

I've been high I've been low . 

I've been fast I've been slow . 

I've had nowhere to go .

Missed the bus missed the show .

I've been down on my luck .

I've felt like giving up ; 

My life locked in a trunk .

When it hurt way too much .

I needed a reason to live .

Some love inside me to give .

I couldn't rest I had to keep on searching .

I've been too sad to speak and too tired to eat .

Been too lonely to sing the devil cut off my wings .

I've been hurt by my past .

But I feel the future in my dreams and it lasts .

I wake up I'm not sure I want to find the light .

Something just didn't feel right .

I needed an answer to end all my searching .

I look in the mirror &+ I c me .  

Juss a figure . 

No partner..

Left alone to fend but I get smarter.

*Please do not copy or use as your own*

hospitality.

 

hospitality=the quality or disposition of receiving and treating guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.

My career path is under the hospitality branch. 

love.

"I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow

Watched the stars crash in the sea

If I could ask God one question ..... 

Why aren't you here with me tonight?"

Love= a profoundly tender, affection for another person.

Love is always patient and kind.

There is never jealous.

Love is never boast for or conceited;

It is never rude or selfish.

It does not take offense

 And is not resentful.

-A Walk To Remember

waiting for you.

I try to convince you that I'm waiting,

But you don't believe me at all.

Alone at night I cry,

You would never wonder why.

Another day is born for one more attempt,

But just to find denial and one more regret.

I'm pissed you don't believe I'm waiting,

And I wish for you to see.

That all I've ever longed,

Was for you to be with me.

I tell you that I love you,

Sometimes you don't even respond.

I get so fucking angry 

Because I'm telling you what I feel.

You just ignore and stare at me,

As if I were just a lustful meal.

There's no doubt you knew what you were doing to me.

And now I'm stuck here thinking about about you,

Like a bird that's waiting to be set free.

We start and stop talking for a bit,

But destiny brings us back together.

Now I reminisce those times,

And wish they were forever.

I feel as if surrounded by a monster of fog,

And I can't get through.

Perhaps the father I walk, 

The closer I'll get to you.

I know where you are,

But do you know where I'm at?

I wonder if you think of me,

I know I'm thinking of my little gangsta ckat.

You're so far away,

But yet so close in my heart.

It's time to get in touch,

And get out of the dark.

Again, I tell you that I love you,

And still, you don't believe it's true.

You ask 'What's in it

For me to be with you.'

There's no doubt I've been through hell with you.

Even my little brother, David, knows.

But besides all the pain I've been through,

There's one dream I know will come true,

And believe it or not ... 

It's to stay waiting for you!

To tell you a little about my poem, because yes I wrote it, I actually dedicated it to someone I considered very special at the time. And I have spoken about him before, R****. I wrote this on [4.8.08]

Dedication: I wrote this poem for all the girls that are waiting for their perfectly imperfect man. Perhaps you've already found him, but you're waiting for the right moment to confess what you feel for him. Or you're wating for him to confess what he feels for you. You're waiting for him to comeback so that destiny could bring you back together. This poem is for ******* ******* **, 'Mi Principe,' who's in Texas right now for the AirForce. 'I'm always going to ride for you, even if I'm not with you!' I ♥ you with all my heart & i'll always be 'waiting for you!'

Now you see, I was really into R**** at that time, still. We met August 9th of 2006. I was 13 [turning 14 in a couple of weeks]. He was 17 [turning 18 on October **th]. We met in SixFlags. To make a long story short, I was always there for him, no matter what [& I do mean NO MATTER WHAT!]. I went through a couple of months full of confusion & mixed emotions. In the end, it didn't work out. But ay, we all have to go through things in order to learn. He's doing good now [@ ******** for the Army] & I hope he's happy.

Happiness is all that counts!

yummy.

this is where I want to go for Valentine's Day.

Oki's Japanese Steakhouse.

it has all sorts of foods & stuff

[+] my best friend, jerry, works there!

mommy's mean.

This past weekend, including last friday, I was soo sick. My tonsils were killing me. [they were sooo swollen. it looked like i had 2 balls under my chin] Because it was my little sister's birthday on sunday, my mother decided to make her special [my special food/meat]steak.

I couldn't even eat it. I tried swollowing  it felt as if the steak was scraping the inside of my throat. i was so mad. the whole taste was different. it wasn't the same :[

Look how beautiful it is.

I ♥ steak

:]

the power of friendship.

Last Wednesday, I accompanied one of my long lost friends, Francheska, to the hospital. & omg, what a mission it was. It took so long to get out of there. She was really sick though. She kept vomitting. I was as if she had a bad flu or the stomach bug. [idk] it was bad though. Her baby's father took us at 10:43p.m. & we got out at around 3-4a.m. It was horrible. We had to call lots of people to see if they could pick us up. & when she was released, she was so drugged up on morphine, that she couldn't even stand on her own & she was still vomitting.

Here, she was given some nasty a** medicine.

It made her vomit even more after she drank it.

She looks like she was possessed here! [lol]

We looked like crap. [can you tell that my nose was stuffy?]

This was after the medicine. [they had given her some other medicine for her stomach through the iv]

She was soo disoriented. [the doctor was talking to her while the nurse was pumping a dose of morphine through her iv]

[she was hooked up to all this. the morphine had completely kicked in]

How the story ends? Well, chi-chi's friend paid for a taxi to come pick us up & bring us home.

She's fine now :]

She thanked me for going with her to the hospital. i could tell by the look on her face [even though she was sick as a dog[lol]] that she was sincere when she thanked me. but hey, that's what friends are for... we help each other in times of need.

trust.

Trust=reliance on the integrity; strength; ability; surety of a person or a thing; confidence.

Trust takes time to build... & only a moment to destroy.

Maintain it with care.

superbowl.

Superbowl Champions of 2010

New Orleans - Saints

31 - 17

sweet 16.

Today's my lilo sister's 16th birthday.

Happy Birthday my lilo adorable, baby sis.

TQM

Man the things I have gone through with this little one. She's stuck by my side since forever. & that's why I love her & that's why she deserves a blog [lol]

Unfortunately, I wasn't the 1st one to wish her a H. Birthday :[

But I was the 3rd one to wish her a Happy B-Day @ 12:00. [lol] So that counts for something.

Vivian (at 15), me & my beautiful baby, Prince on [12.24.09]

just so you know.

My previous blogs, "my letter to him" and "my letter to him [continued]" were directed to my ex fiance, E***. You see, during our relationship, we went through a plethora of issues and difficulties. Of course we both made mistakes but we tried to work through them. i did a couple of things I wasn't supposed to but because of R****. [I spoke of R**** in one of my previous blogs]. I was so angry and upset at what R**** had done, that I swore that I would take my anger out on someone.. A man.. And I did. And unfortunately, it was E***. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT  the vengeful type of person but I had already gone through a lot & I mean, we women are like that; believe it or not. While hurting E***, I fell deeply in love with him. & he accepted me. He accepted me & all the pain I carried in my heart. I came to ♥ him with all my organs but it wasn't the same. The trust wasn't completely there. So i came back to school, but because I am a senior, I got caught up with all the senioritis [it's a disease us high school seniors get where you get really stressed out because life is hitting you hard] & I couldn't with the fiance stress as well, so I eventually cut him off. I cried & it hurt him bad, but i had to do it.

So to all you people, I am not a bad person, but sometimes you have to do things that you don't want to in order to secure yourself & your future. You can't always listen to your heart. You have to pay attention to your brain as well.


E*** & I aren't together anymore. [I've a new partner & so does he]. But the ♥ he had/has for me still lingers my body & warms me up at night. It cheers me ^ when I'm sad & it grounds me when I am 002 up in the sky.


♥ is a beautiful thing & it comes with hardships. When you find it, don't let it go!

my letter to him. [continued]

E***, I love you with all my heart & I always will -'til the end of my days. The reason why I did what I did was because I couldn't with all the stress that was being thrown at me! I'm a senior, I had crazy things to worry about at the time.

Te amo con todo lo que soy :] & I always will.

"Quiero que seas feliz con migo o sin mi. Tu sabes pa, yo estoy para ti."

[1.9.09] 'til we get arthritis & go to heaven

Love is hard to find. When you finally find it, don't let it go.

my letter to him. [9.26.09]

All my life I've been making mistakes and learning from my experiences. I went through a lot in my life, E***, just like i know you have too. The things I've been through haven't always been with things from the street, more like with dealing with guys from the street. After what I went with L*** and R****, I just quit and said that I was gonna make that every guy that were to approach me, fall for me so that I can break their hearts the way L*** and R**** did to me. I never thought, in a million years, that i would find you along the way. I made you pay for what they did, and for that I apologize. Every part of my body hurts because I know I hurt you really bad. I didn't break your heart twice. I only fractured it. I know that it feels so much like i broke it, but E***, I only fractured your heart, and when it was in process of healing, I injured it again.


I AM a new an improved person. And I thank you for that. Had I been the old Michelle, I probably would've laughed in your face when I went to see you. But my love was way too deep for me to even think of doing that. The reason why I lied to you all those other times was because I cared about what you thought of me and I didn't want to disappoint you -not anymore than I already had. I came out with the complete truth when I went to see you. And I do recall promising to you that I was going to tell you everything and anything, if I ever did something. Well what I wrote to R**** was the first thing I did since I've gotten here. I haven't broken any of our promises, but that. And if you really look at it, I didn't break that either. I told you what happened. And I sent you the whole conversation regardless of what you say.


I know that if we're together, we'll work on each other. And we'll mold ourselves into each other. There won't only be a Michelle or an E***. We will be as one. I'm am soo focused in us and in my school and in my family, that there are no more empty spaces for anything else the world has to offer. i am proud and at ease with myself because I am guiltless. There's a quote "Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." We will share that happiness together. All relationships are different and every person in a relationship handles theirs differently. Our relationship is different from all the others because the storm came way before the sun was able to even peek its way out. But after every storm, the sun will smile; for every problem there is a solution, and the soul's indefeasible duty is to be of good cheer.


I am dedicated to us. And I changed because of us. I do appreciate that and I appreciate you. I thank you with all my heart for taking away the mentality I once had. But you have to understand that my mentality was on the defense button. But when I went to go see you, I felt it was safe enough to completely drop my guard and let you in completely. E***, I love you. I'm in love with you. And I don't want to lose you. You future will be successful. We have to keep having faith and believing that our future will be successful for it to actually become successful. I know I'm going out there for college for us. Everything will get better. I promise. Just make sure you're praying as I am. Rebuke all those negative thoughts. Have faith in us and in God and he will grant us our wishes. I truely want to become your wife. It would be a dream come true.


Babe, I'm sorry for hurting you and taking out all my anger on you. My intentions of hurting weren't towards you, but to the people who intended on hurting me, I've found my soulmate in you and I would do anything in this world to keep it that way and marry you as we planned. And have your son. So why should you give me another chance? Because we are love. Me and you. And we sacrifice things for each other.

love it.

I know graduation is a long way from here -4 months and 20 days to be exact- but I absolutey fell in love with this dress & the teagan colored shoes. They are so me! The dress is only $50 & the platforms are kind of pricey, but at the end, it'll all be worth it! Throw that on with some really nice accessories and I am all good to go.

donate!

So, today at 1:15p.m. I donated blood for the second time. So that makes me a frequent member of The Rhode Island Blood Center -yey- ^_^ my boyfirend was the one who took me. He didn't donate because he was chickening out.. lol ..but then after 5 minutes of talking to him, I convinced him [yup, it only took me 5 mins.] But unfortunately, he couldn't donate anyway because he was in Dominican Republic [all that convincing for nothing!] But, anyway, i did donate, and I felt great afterward. I advise everyone to donate atleast once in your life. You won't regret it! And the cool perks are: if you didn't know what blood type you were, you will after you donate & you get two membership cards; one for your keychain and one for your wallet. :]

journal entry. [1.19.2010]

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.


In my head, there are only ripped pages --- flowing; flying around. Disaster & destruction surrounds me. All the pain lingering in the world is seen by my tired eyes. My eyes cry, but I do not cry. My body is hurt, but I feel no pain. The mortal destruction aches my heart. A plethora of things going through my mind...

the beginning.

So, my friend Jerry noticed that I'm always writing. [He says my writing is f*cking amazing]. I'm not going to brag, but I am a great writer. Everything I write is in a poetic form. So yeah back to what I was saying. . . Jerry read some of my poems and a couple of essays so he suggested that because I love speaking my mind in literature, I should create a blog. So here I am! Enjoy!